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Q: What did the actress do when she saw her first strands of gray hair?
A: She thought she would dye [die].
Q: What is the definition of a will?
A: It is a dead giveaway.
Q: What do you call people who jump off a Paris bridge?
A: In Seine [insane]
Q: Why did the two peanuts run away from the tough neighborhood at night?
A: Because one of them was a-salted [assaulted]
Q: What happens to chemists when they die?
A: We barium [bury them]
Q: Why is b always cool?
A: Because it is between ac.
Q: What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?
A: An onion
Q: Why did the TV cross the road?
A: Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
Q: Why do some fish stay at the bottom of the sea?
A: Because they dropped out of school. [A collection of fishes is called a school]
Q: What do you give a dog that has high temperature?
A: Mustard, it is the best thing for a hot dog.
Q: Where do bulls receive their messages?
A: On the bull-etin board.
Q: What is a sheep’s hair dressing saloon called?
A: The Baa Baa shop [barbershop]
Q: Why do birds fly south during winter?
A: Because it sure beats walking.
Q: What is the cat’s favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Obviously Mice Krispy’s.
Q: What do you call an apartment that likes food?
A: Condoment [condiment]
Q: How would you shoot a killer bee?
A: With a bee bee gun.
Q: What is the difference between a coal-train and your instructor?
A: While your instructor says to spit your gum out, and the coal-train says chew chew [choo-choo]
Q: Why did the birdie go to the clinic?
A: To get a tweetment [treatment].
Q: Why was the joke about the butter kept under wraps?
A: Because, if you talked about it, it would spread.
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: You stick with me and I will take you places.
Q: Why do the watermelons have such fancy and expensive weddings?
A: Because they [cant-a-loupe] [can’t elope]
Q: What did the alien tell the gardener?
A: Take us to your weeder.
Q: How do basketball players manage to stay cool even in humid conditions?
A: They just sit next to the “fans.”
Q: Why was the guy looking for food while sitting on top his friend?
A: Because his friend had said that, the dinner is on me.
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Q: How to porcupines kiss?
A: Very carefully.
Q: Why does the leopard find it difficult to hide and stalk?
A: Because he is spotted always.
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey.
Q: What moves up and down but actually does not move?
Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A: They both weigh the same [a ton].
Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine?
A: it wooden go [wouldn’t]
Q: Why did the lady reporter rush to ice cream shop?
A: To get a good scoop before anyone.
Q: Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?
A: He was board [bored].
Q: Where does a tree store their stuff?
A: In there Trunk.
Q: What has a head, a tail but no legs and a body?
A: A coin.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music.
Q: What gives milk but has only one horn?
A: The milk truck.
Q: What do you call a mermaids bed?
A: A waterbed.
Q. What do you call a party for Barbie dolls?
A. A Barbie-Q [barbecue]
Q: When is the ideal time to visit a dentist?
A: Tooth-hurty [two-thirty]
Q: Why was the math book looking so miserable?
A: Because its problems were seldom solved.
Q: What goes up when rain comes down?
A: The umbrella.
Q: Why did the boy sprinkling sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep each night?
A: So that he could have sweet dreams every night.
Q: What dog is known for its punctuality?
A: The watch-dog.
Q: Which button cannot be unbuttoned?
A: The belly –button.
Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You are pointless.
Q: Name a thing that has four wheels and flies?
A: The garbage truck, of course.
Q: What are you supposed to do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium [Bury him!], of course.
Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
A: Because he is a fungi. [Funky]
Q: What happened to the lion when he ate the clown?
A: He felt funny, of course.
Q: Did you heard about the origami store?
A: It folded.
Q: Why did the banker quit her job?
A: She lost interest.
Q: Why was everyone so tired on the First of April?
A: Because they had just completed a March of 31 days.
Q: Which is the fastest country in the world?
A: Russia. [Rush- ya]
Q: Which is the city that no one dares to go?
Q: Why is that you can never trust atoms?
A: Obviously, because they make up everything.
Q: What happens when you cross a boy scout with a baseball player?
A: You get a person who likes to pitch tents.
Q: What is a bulldozer?
A: Someone who sleeps while a politician is making a speech.
Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?
A: a meow-ntain [mountain]
Q: What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa?
A: A Claus- trophobic.