Insurance Funny Jokes

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Insurance Funny Jokes

An insurance agent visited his local museum and accidentally knocked over a statue.
The museum curator said to him, “That’s a six hundred year old statue that you’ve broken!”
The insurance agent replied, “Thank God for that! I thought it was a new one.”

My boss said to me, “You must be crazy! How can you issue a life insurance policy to a 108 year old man?”
I said, “As you told me, I applied all the proper, stringent statistical tests. Not a single 108 year old man has died in the last five years.

This life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part about health history.
He asked the client how his grandfather died.
The client replied, “He died quietly in his sleep… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

I was having a big row with my grandma the other day.
“You only care about my inheritance”, she shouted.
“It’s not that”, I replied, “but why would you spend your savings on a cremation when we could just set the house on fire after you die and get some insurance money along the way?

An insurance manager was talking to one of his customers. He said, “Thank you, Mr. Jones, for your business. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”
“Wow, well it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” replied Mr. Jones, who was a little taken aback. “You know I lodge lots of claims and I always pay my premiums late.”
The insurance manager said, “Yes, I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision.
Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

“You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent, “so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”
“Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m them.”

Underwriter’s wife: “You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”
Underwriter: “When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.”
Underwriter’s wife: “You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
Underwriter: “Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?’”

These two jokes are compliments of students in CE seminars:
Question: Do you know what a woman and insurance have in common?
Answer: They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.
Question: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life policy?
Answer: A whole life policy eventually matures

An actuary and a farmer were travelling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow,
the actuary said, “There are 1248 sheep out there.” The farmer replied, “Amazing.
By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?”
The actuary answered, “Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four.

One day, an American insurance company received a letter from a lady saying that unfortunately they have to cancel her husband’s life insurance policy.
‘We always paid it in time’, she wrote, ‘but since my dear husband’s sudden death last year we have had some financial hardship;
therefore, we would like not to pay it anymore’.

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