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English short funny jokes

English short funny jokes! Hi friends, I have collected some new English short funny jokes. So check the latest English short funny jokes and share it with your lovely friends. Be happy and keep laughing.

English short funny jokes

English short funny jokes,Dear friends,I collected some new English funny jokes so enjoy it and share it…..

Teacher:- naade ko English mein kya kahte hai ?
Santa :- P.H.D.
Teacher :- kya ?
Santa :- pajaama holding Device (Pajamas Holding device).
Teacher:- behosh

Teri khamoshi aurudasi ki wajah hum samajh na sake
.
ae dost,….
.
Wo to shaam ko teri mummy ne batayake aaj teri chappal se pitai hui hai.

Teacher: “Mein Tumhari Jaan Nikaal Dungi”
Ishe English Mein Batao………
Haryanvi Student: Tahne English Chhor Manney Hath Tho Laa K Dekh

TAJJUB Hai-
.
Aap jaise Smart log bhi
Road ke kinare katori
lekar khade ho jate hai..,
AKHIR KYU.
?
?
Sirf do char..
Golgappe Khane ke liye!…………

Bhut Drd Hta H Jab, Teacher Bolta H Ki Tumhra Aur,
Tumhre Age Wale Ka Ans. 1 Hai,
Tab Dil Se Awaz Ati H, To Sir Sawal Bhi Tho 1 Hi Tha……

Oye! jab b free ho to plz msg karna tumse 1 zaruri baat pe advice leni hai
.
.
.
TAJ MAHAL bech dun ya rehne dun

Santa aur jito hm ko ldki psnd hai, shaadi kb krni hai?
ladki wale: abhi to hmaari ladki study kr rhi hai.
santa: to hamara ladka kaun sa bechha hai jo kitaab faar dega…….

Santa ko koi mobile pe tang kar raha tha,
Santa ne new sim khareed kar usko sms kiya:
“maine wo number band kar diya hai
ab tera baap bhi mujhe tang nahi kar sakta “

Dost:Teri biwi ne tujhe ghar se q nikala?
Santa:sale tere kahne par,usse chain gift ki thi iss liye nikala.
dost:chandi ki thi kya?
Santa:nahi saaikil ki.sone chandi wale hartal par hai.

Govt school kar bachhe kisi ko ghaseet kar school le ja rahe the,
Ye dekh kar 1 Aadmi bola:
Jane do Beta,
Ye Khud School aa jayega
Bachhe: Ye bachha nahi master ji hai……………………..

Santa roti ka ek bite khud kha raha tha aur ek paas baithi murgi ko khila raha tha…
Banta: “Ye kya kar raha hai?”
Santa- “Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu.”

Sir: Define Energy?
Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Santa: “and this is called Energy……”

Santa: Aap mujhe sanskrit seekha do,
Pandit: kyun?
Santa: Devtaao ki bhasha hai, Swarg mein jaroorat padegi
Pandit: Agar nark gaye to?
Santa: Punjabi to aati hi hai…

Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai ??
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega?

Santa pe bijli ki taar gir gayi
Santa tadap tadap ke marne hi wala tha ki..
.
.
.
Use yaad aaya
Ki Bijlee to 2 ghante se band hai,
Wapas uth gaya aur bola: Saala, Dara diya!

Teacher Santa se: Explain ‘Dahi’ in English
Santa:
Milk sleeping in the night,
and sawere sawere tight!!

Daku bank lutne gaye..
Gun ghar mein bhool gaye
fir bhi bank lut lia
kaise?
Bank manager Santa tha, bola:
koi baat nahi I trust u,
Gun mujhe kal dikha dena.

By mistake, Santa goes in to ladies toilet room.
All ladies suddenly stand up!
Santa: Izzat dil mein ho yahi kaafi hai…
Baitho… baitho…!

Santa 1 interview mein,
Sir: Apko kitne saalo ka tajurba hai?
Santa: Sir maaf karna,
maine salo ko to ‘Try’ nahi kiya,
lekin muje 3 saliyo ka tajurba hai!

Santa: how much is my mobile bill ?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Santa: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL!

3 Dost picnic par gaye…
Wajah jakar yad aaya ke pepsi to ghar bhool gaye!
To unhone decide kiya ki Santa jaakar pepsi le aaye…
Santa: Main iss shart par jaunga ki mere aane tak tum samosa nahi khaoge
Baaki dono friends: theek hai…
1 din gujar gaya, dono ne socha ki ab samosa kha lena chahiye… Jaise hi samosa uthaya.
Santa ped ke peechhe se nikal kar bola: Dekho agar aisa karoge to main nahi jaunga!

Santa: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Banta: Yaar kal jaaunga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai….!

Santa: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Banta: Yaar kal jaaunga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai….!
Santa school me gadha le ke aaya…
Madam: Ye gadha, Q laye ho?
Santa: Madam aap hi to Kehti ho ke maine bade bade gadho ko insan banaya hai. To maine socha ki ab iski bhi life ban jaegi . 😉
Chalaak Santa!

Surgeon: I am sorry, it seems a rubber glove was left inside you after the operation, We have to operate you again…
Santa: Ro mat, Ye le 20Rs. Naya le lena..!

kidnapar-Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai,
saboot ke taur par uski Do ungliyan bhej raha hun .
Santa-saboot pakka nahi hai, MUNDI bhej MUNDI..

Mom: Sofa letne ke liye nahi hota baithne ke liye hota hai
Son: Ha toh Chappal bhi maarne k liye nahi pehen ne ke liye
hoti hai..
Ek chappl aur padi.

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walon ne kum log bulaye hain.
Banta- to isme problem kya hai?
Santa-pata nahi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nahi..

SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala:ha,
santa:acha vala hai,
Lala:ha,
Santa: achi quality ka hai,
Lala:ha bhai ha,
Santa: thik hai hath dhokar 1kg aata do..

Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar jis ladki ko bhulane ke liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nahi aa raha hai..

Santa -Jab bhi wife mera photo apne mobile se click karti hai mujhe bahut dar lagta hai..
Saala aaj kal OLX aur quikr ki advertise bahut aati hai na ..

Santa ne Banta ko Hindi SMS bheja:
Bhejane-wala mahaan,
padhane-wala gadha.
Banta gusse me vapis sms bhejta hai:
Bhejane-wala gadha,
padhane-wala mahaan.

Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan khujla raha tha
Santa use gaur se dekhte hue bola-
Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka Maaru?

Santa Sardar ji USA mein the…
Tabhi 1 building mein aag lag gayi..
Santa Fire Brigade walo se:
Tum logo ko neeche fenko, main catch karunga!
Pehle 1 ladka aaya, phir ek ladki
Phir ek aadmi, phir ek aurat…
Santa ne sabko pakad liya…
Phir..
Ek Negro (black banda) aaya, to Santa ne chhod diya!!
Aur Bola:
Abe Saalo, Jo jal gaye hain unko to mat fenko!!!

Doctor : Roz 5 km walk karo, to 1 saal mein 50kg wajan kam ho jayega..
Ek saal baad santa phone pe:
Docots Sahab, Wajan to kam ho gaya,
magar saale ghar kaise jau, 1825km door aa gaya hoon!

Santa jab bhi kapde dhota, tab hi baarish ho jaati.
Ek din dhoop nikli toh usne shukr kiya aur dukaan pe surf lene gaya.
Wo jaise hi dukaan par gaya,
baadal zor-zor se garajne lage.
Santa fatafat aasmaan ki taraf muh karke bola:
Kya?
Kidhar??
Main toh biscuit lene aaya hoon,
kasam se…!!! 😛

Ek baar Santa train mein safar kar raha tha
Train mein bahut bheed hone ke karan, Santa ek Ganje aadmi ki seat par baith gaya.
Aadmi gusse se jhunjhla kar bola: “Seat pe kya, mera sir par hi baith ja”
Santa: Nahin Uncle, Main yahin theek hoon, waha se fisalne ka darr hai

Santa ke Ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki Tasvir Lagi huvi Thi…
Banta: Ye Kyon Laga Rakhi He..?
Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA Lene Gaya Tha…
Dukandar ne Kaha Ye LATEST Hai…. !!

Ek Accident huaa…
Bahut Bheed jama ho gayi…
Santa ko dekhne ka mauka nahi mil raha tha!
Santa dimaag laga kar bola – Ye mera BAAP hai..
Bheed pichhe hati…
To dekha KUTTA maraa pada tha.!

Santa: Insan ko zindagi me koi bhi problem ho to kiske paas jaana chahiye?
Banta: Farmer!
Santa: Kyun?
Banta: Kyunki uske paas ‘HAL’ hota hai!

Santa: Aaj mere paas paisa hai, bangla hai, gadi hai.. Tere paas kya hai?
Banta: Mere paas bhi paisa, bangla, gadi hai.
Santa: Abey saale, Fir hamari Maa Kiske paas hai?

Doctor: Motape ka ek hi ilaaj hai
tum roj 2 rotiya khaya karo
Santa: Thik hai sir, par ye to
bataiye ki 2 rotiya khane se pehle khani hai ya baad me?

Santa: name diff types of cheese
Banta: Gouda, feta, bekhudhi, mozzarella …
Santa: wait a minute what’s bekhudhi ??
Banta: hosh waalon ko khabarr kya bekhudhi kya cheese hai.

1 Handsome Boy Class Mein Aaya….
Aur Sari Girls Dekhte Hi Deewani ho gayi.
Fir
Ladke Ne Aate Hi Kuch Kaha To Girls behosh.
Socho Kya Kaha Hoga ??
.
Thodi Jagah Dena, behan ji Jhaadu Lagana hai.

Santa: Pados me kya chal raha hai?
Banta: Birthday hai
Santa: Kiska?
Banta: Tuyu ka
Santa ne puchha: Tuyu!! ???
Banta: Haan, sunai to kuchh aisa hi de raha hai… “Happy Birthday Tuyu!”

Aapki smile ne saara jahan hila diya..
Aapki smile ne saara jahan hila diya..
Koma se jage hua mareez ko permanent sula diya..!!

Bhikari- sahab 20 rs do na, coffee peeni hai..
Santa- lekin coffee to 10 rs ki aati hai?
Bhikari- Meri girlfrnd bhi sath mai hai na.
Santa- Arey, Bhikari hokar tune girlfriend bana rakhi hai..
Bhikari- Nahi, gf ne hi mujhe bhikari banaya hai..

Son came late…
Mom: beta kaha gaya tha..??
Beta: – Mom movie dekhne gaya tha.
Mom: Beta Kaunsi..?
Beta: MAA KI MAMTA
Mom: Ja beta upar ja nayi film lagi hai.
Beta: Maa , kaunsi..?
Maa: BAAP KA KEHAR

A Boy and a Girl were walking on the road..
They found a 1000 Rupees Note on the road
Girl : what to do with this money now?
Boy : lets take 50-50
.
.
.
Girl: Okay but baaki ke 900 Rs ka kya karenge ?

Kapil Sharma and a Girl were standing on a Bus Stop
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Lipstick
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Top and Jeans
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Earrings
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace
Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA…
Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai… !!

Pappu: Dekho.. Main Chahe Jaisa Bhi Hoon..
Par Baccha Ek Dum Sunder Hona Chahiye..
Wife: Dekho Ji.. Choice Is Yours.. Baccha Yaa
Toh Sunder Hoga Yaa Aap Ka Hoga

Santa class me haans raha tha,
Ek ladka bola : Stand UP, kaun ho tum?
Santa : Tum kaun ho?
Ladka : Mein monitor hu
Santa : Te phir mein CPU hu!!!

Santa:- Abe Banta tu yaha baitha hai…
Tere dost ki death ho gai hai… Tu gaya Kyu Nahi????
Banta:- Uss saale ne mujhe bulaya hi nahi

A policeman to his son : Tumhara result aacha nahi aaya.
Aaj se tumhara khelna aur TV dekhna band.
Beta : Ye 50 rupay pakdo aur ess baat ko yaheen dabado

Nurse : Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Santa : Wah g wah kya technology hai, Biwi meri hospital hai,
aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai!!!

Santa ko uska sasur jute maar raha tha
Aadmi : Kyu maar rahe ho?
Sasur : Meinie ise Hospital se SMS kiya.
Tum baap ban gaye ho. Isne apne sare friends ko forward kar diya!

Makan Malik : Rs 700 kiraya hoga.
Kirayedar : Thik hai. Lekin aapke makan me chuhey nach rahe hai.
Malik : To saale 700 me kya Sheela nachegi?

Ek khargosh roj lohaar ki dukan pe jata aur kehta : GAAJAR hai?
Lohar inkar kar deta.
Ek din Lohaar ko gussa aaya aur usne Khargosh ke daant tod diye.
fir..
fir kya…
Agle din Khargosh aaya aur bola…
GAAJAR KA JUICE HAI KYA???

Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??

Santa ko rota dekhkar Banta ne pucha kya hua?
Santa : Meine 2 ton ka AC kharida,
ghar aakar tola to sir 35 kilo ka nikla!

Santa mango juice ka glaas le kar baitha tha
Banta aaya aur fataak se juice pee gaya.
Santa – Meri to yaar kismat hi kharab hai. Beta fail ho gaya,
biwi dost ke saath bhag gayi, ghar me chori ho gayi, nalke me
paani nahi, ghar me light nahi.
Aab juice me zehar daal ke peene ko rakha tha
aur wo bhi tu pee gaya saale!

Jatt : Mujhe mobile me MP3 songs dalwane hai.
Mobile Shop Wala : Memory card hai kya?
Jatt : Nahi memory card nahi hai, RASAN CARD chalega?

Do judwa baache kamare me baithe the
Ek haans ke lot pot ho raha tha aur dusra udaas tha
Dad : Tum itna kyun haans rahe ho
Son : Mummy ne itni thand me dono baar isi ko nehla diya!

Sasur ne Daamaad se kaha : 6 saale me 8 baache.Ye kya hai?
Daamaad : Maine aapse kaha tha Gareeb jarur hu par aapki beti ko kabhi khali pet nahi rakhunga!

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!
Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?
Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

Santa-agar tumhe 1 lakh mil jaye to kya kroge
Banta-to mai khusi se pagal ho jaunga aur zindgi bhar apna treatment karaunga..

Santa-oye, bhabi ka kya nam hai?
banta-google kaur!
santa-aisa kyu?
banta-sawal ek pucho jawab 10 milta hai.

Santa-oye, bhabi ka kya nam hai?
banta-google kaur!
santa-aisa kyu?
banta-sawal ek oucho jawab 10 milta hai.
Munna: Ye sala College ka fullform kya hota hai?
Circuit: Apun ko malum hai na bhai
C-Come
O-On
L-Lets
L-Love
E-Every
G-Girl
E- Everyday

PINKY: Ye Tumhe Kya Sujh Gaya Ki..
Tumne Kutta Paal Liya?
PADOSAN:Taaki Logo Ko Pata Na Chal Sake Ki..
Kaun Bhauk Raha Hai.

Kashmir ki Wadiyon me
Barfili hawaon main
jhil k kinare bethe
RANJHA ko
HEER ne kia kaha??
?
“ULLU K PATHE”
HERO mat bn
Sweater Pehen Le Sale Mar Thand Lag jau gi.

Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?

Banta: Santa, itna udhaas kyu baita hai?
Santa: yaar betting mein maine 2000 gavaa diyaa 🙁
Banta: kaise?
Santa: India pe 1000 rupaiye ka bet lagaaya tha aur India ne match haar gaya
Banta: lekin 2000 kaise?
Santa: aaj us match ka highlights daale. India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 dala tha.

Beta: Papa, aap engineer kaise bane?
Santa: uske liye bahut dimaag ka zaroorat padta hai.
Beta: haa pata hai, isiliye mujhe samajh mein nahi aa rahaa hai ke aap kaise engineer bane?

Kanjus-KajuKatli Aur Lijiye Na
Mehman-Nai Shukriya Me Pehle Hi 4 Le Chuka Hu
Kanjus-Li To Apne Waise 6 He,Lekin Kher Yaha Kaun Gin Raha He.

1 Dafa 1 Chor Ne Apni Mangetar Ko Sonay Ka Set Dia.
Mangetar Ne Khush Ho K Pocha Is Ki Keemat Kia H
Chor:Teen Sal ki Qaid

Punjab Police ka jalwa…
Santa Taalaab me nanga naha raha tha..
Police-Chal oye baahar aakar kapde pehen le teri Talaashi leni hai..
Chintu Samose wale se bola:- ae. tumhare samose se ladki ka baal nikla..
.

samose wala :- abe! 5rs.ke samose me puri ladki niklegi kya?

1 Aadmi daru k nashe me taxi me betha
bola chalo airport chalo
taxiwala: tum airport pe hi ho
Admi:yelo 50rs dubara intni taiz mat chalana.

Tcher-Tum Desh k liya Kya Kya karte ho?
Santa-Pani ki Bachat karta hu
Hafte me sirf 1 bar nahata hu

Baniye ki biwi beemar thi:
Light na hone ki wajah se baniye ne candle jaladi aur bola
Doctor ko bulane ja raha hu,agar tumhein aisa lage ki tum nahin
bachogi to pleasw yeh candle bujha dena.

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