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Eng Funny Jokes

Eng Funny Jokes

Anna: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
Ben: That’s impossible. Whose baby?
Anna: An elephant’s.

My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!

Difference between a beautiful night and a horror night.
Beautiful night is,
When you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is,
When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.

What is love?
Love is our 7th sense that destroys all 6 sense
And makes the person nonsense.

Once all the engineering professors were sitting in one plane.
Before the takeoff, one announcement came
“This plane is made by your students”
Then all the professors stood up, ran and went outside.
But the principal was sitting.
One guy came and asked, “are you not afraid”?
Then the principal replied
“I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won’t even start”.

Santa Had A Leakage In The Roof Over His Dining Room.
Plumber Asked: “Sir When Did U Notice Leakage in Roof ?”
Santa: “Last Night…. When It Took Me 3 Hours To Finish My Delicious Chicken Soup”

Boss : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Santa : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job,
whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible…

Once Santa went to Court
Judge :- Order..! Order..!
Santa :- “1 Pizza, 2 Dosa , 3 idaly and 1 Maza”
Judge :- “Shut-Up”
Santa :- “No..No….Thums Up Charged Ice Chilled..!”

HR Manager Asked Banta in an Interview.
“Can you spell a word that has more than 75 Letters in it?”
Banta confidently Replied: “Letter Box”

Pregnant Santa’s Wife carred ISI mark on her stomach.
When doctor asked why ISSI mark..
She replied…ISI means INTELLIGENT_SANTA’S_SON_INSIDE.

English Teacher: “One cute and young girl is walking
on the road.” Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence.
Sardar student:- “Oye,pataka !”

Santa: Madam, Can I Go To The Bathroom?
Madam corrected that wrong sentence: May I Go To The Bathroom?
Santa: But I Asked First.

Teacher : Are You Sleeping in My Class..?
Student : No,uh,a Bug Flew in My Eye and I am Trying to Suffocate It.

What is the English movie name for Karvachauth?
‘Fast and Furious’… One day Fast, 364 days Furious

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!

After a big accident, a man was crying : O God! I have lost my left hand?
Santa: Control yourself my friend. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost
his head. Is he crying?

After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.

Bus conductor: Why are taking 2 tickets?
Santa : Because if I lose 1 that 2 ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Santa : Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!(Jokes in English)

1 property dealer gives an ads for Lake View Flats in Kolkata.
When pappu bought that Flat He found something elese insted of Lake View.
Property dealer called to Pappu to change Flat.
Pappu said – I do want to change Flats.
Infact there is College Girls Hotel View in place of Lake View.

Santa bought split AC.
He installed outdoor unit in room and indoor unit on Roof because he thought-
outdoor unit has Big Fan to provide much air to room.

A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it. Do You Know Why?
That thief was still spending considerably very less than his wife.

Cute Girlfriend : My Heart Is Like Moble and You Like a Sim Card..!
Boyfriend : I Am Very Happy.!
Girlfriend :don’t Be Too Happy..
if I Get a New Offer , I Will Change the Sim Card..!

Class Room is Like a Train
1st Two Benches r Reserved For VIP . .
Next Two Benches r General coach
Then
Last Two Benches r Vry Demanded.
Bcz Its SLEEPER COACH..!! They are always Reserved for Topper in Dreams Only.

During a job interview :
Boss : What’s the highest level of education you obtained?
Candidate : PHD
Boss : Great! So that means you have a Doctor degree …
Candidate : Wellll, No… That means
Passed Highschool with Difficulties (P.H.D.)

Romans were never good on Algebra because there ‘X’ was always ‘10.’

Once Amitabhh Bachchann and Pran were travelling in a train and were engaged in a good gossip for the entire journey.
A station came after hours and Pran boarded off.
Mr. Bachchan remained.
A stranger co-passenger asked to Mr. Bachchan,
“Both of you seemed good friend, why didn’t you go away with him.
” Amitabh said, “Pran jae per Vachan na jae.”

2 Sardars in museum looking at Egyptian Mummy.
Sardar 1: Look So many bandages Pakka Accident Case.
Sardar 2: Ya Ya..Lorry number also written.BC.1760..

I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
jokes in Hindi
jokes in English
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
Very very funny
Funniest One
Full of Laugh N Comedy
“You are so beautiful”

When somebody who is deeply
in Love with you tells that
You are
cute, beautiful, & angelic, talented
I agree. That’s true,
Believe me, I swear because love is definitely blind

No visits…
no calls..
No sms’s…
No letters…
No Jokes
no missed calls..
I’m worried…
kya hua zoo walon nay dobara pakar
liya kya?

Most people have 5 senses.
Some people have 6 senses.
But u r blessed with 7 senses.
An extra sense is NON SENSE.

The Sun makes moon shine
Curent makes bulbs shine
Wax makes candles shine But
I’m really confused.
Wat makes u shine?
Is it Harpic or Domex…..jokes in english for friend

God saw u Hungry,he created Pizza
He saw u thirsty,he created Pepsi
He saw u in dark, he created light
he saw me without Problem, he created U

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