I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.
Men are so polite, they only look at the other 10%.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it’s white and settles on their land.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo.
My astronaut girlfriend has dumped me.
She said she needs space.
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.
They’ll kill your dog.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It’s a vicious cycle.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She’s still not talking to me.
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”
A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”