A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.a
My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.” I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
A young executive is leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” says the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”
“Sure,” the young executive says.
He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” says the CEO as his paper disappears inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
I got fired at work today.
My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn’t know what to say to that.