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Christmas Funny Jokes 25 Dec 2020

Christmas 2019 Funny Jokes! Hi friends, I have collected some new Christmas 2019 Funny Jokes. Christmas 2019 Funny Jokes has been published. So check the latest Christmas 2019 Funny Jokes and share it with your lovely friends. Read it and enjoy it.so you can share it with your all lovely friends. Its give smile and happiness to everyone’s face. Laughter is the way to make smile on everyone’ s face. Laughter is the best medicine for our health. Be happy and keep laughing…
Share kro jisse aap baat krte ho or jisse nhi krte…

Christmas Funny Jokes

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Merry Christmas.

Christmas Funny Jokes

nock knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

There will be no Christmas anymore.
I told Santa that you have been good the whole year.
He died of laughter.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Lisa thanks her grandpa,
“Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year for Christmas.
I’ve never got such a brilliant gift!”
“Really?” asks the surprised Grandpa.
Lisa says, “Oh yeah – every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!”

An honest politician,
a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill.
Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.

Christmas Funny Jokes

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”
“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

Q: What’s a snowman’s favorite Mexican food?
A: Brrrrrr-itos!

Q: What you can call a polar bear which wears ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: Whose Christmas parties are full of screams?
A: Dracula’s.

Q: How can you keep Santa busy in the Christmas party?
A: Ask him to take care of your plants.

Q: What do hungry snowmen put on their ice-burgers?
A: Chilly sauce!

Snowman, snowball, snow Jokes
Q: What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A: A snowmobile.

Q: How one snowman greets the other one?
A: Ice to meet you.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out its head first.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: “I don’t like sprouts” !

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it’s to far to walk.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track – all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.

Q: How does Al Gore’s household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

Q: Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Christmas Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.

Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We’ll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, “No L!”

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it ” soots ” him!

Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.

Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.

Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive” ?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”

Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?Q: Olive ?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: Olive?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”

Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.

Q: What’s a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

On Christmas morning two children are opening their presents.
The younger gets a toy plane, remote control tank, a BB gun,
two new bikes, and a XBOX 360. The older gets a sweater and a book.
The younger begins to taunt the older brother saying “Look, I got way more presents than you.”
The older replies, “Oh yeah? Well at least I don’t have cancer!”

“Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with Christmas cleaning,” asks Joe.
“Are you out of your head, man? I can’t give you a day off for this!” rumbles the boss.
“Oh thanks a lot, boss,” Joe smiles, relieved, “I knew I could rely on you!”
Read more funny jokes: http://jokesfan.com/christmas-jokes.html#ixzz626oVroOY

Christmas Funny Jokes

Two blondes roam the woods looking for a nice Christmas tree.
After hours of freezing and chasing away the odd wolf,
one of the blondes brings down her axe and says, “OK that’s it.
I’m taking the next right-sized tree we see and I don’t give a dime if it’s decorated or not!”

1
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..

2
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles

3
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I ll never part with it !

4
Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them !

5
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !

6
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !

7
What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !

8
Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can’t beat it!

9
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ? Santa Clues !

10
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck !

11
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !

12
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

13
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have “Sandy claws” !

14
What’s Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !

15
What’s fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!

16
Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys? Because they soot him!

17
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !

18
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ? My pop is bigger than yours !

19
Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey – he’s always stuffed !

20
What bird has wings but cannot fly ? Roast turkey !

21
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ? Your teeth !

22
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y !

23
Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas!

24
How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? “A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year”

25
Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn’t get wet! Why not? Because it wasn’t raining!

26
What do you get hanging from Father Christmas roof? Tired arms!

27
How do you make a slow reindeer fast ? Don’t feed it !

28
Why are Father Christmas reindeer like a cricket match? Because they re both stopped by the rein.

29
What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!

30
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It’s Christmas, Eve !

31
What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month ? The letter “D” !

32
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? Santa Claustrophobia !

33
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !

34
How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ? Stacks !

35
Why couldn’t the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ? It was a moth ball !

36
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick !

37
Did you hear about Dracula’s Christmas party ? It was a scream

38
What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ? Fancy a bite ?

39
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with !

40
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I m a Christmas bell! Just take these pills – and, if they don’t work, give me a ring!

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