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Childrens Funny Jokes

Childrens Funny Jokes! Hello friends, I have collected some new Childrens Funny Jokes. So check the latest Childrens Funny Jokes and share it with your lovely friends.

Childrens Funny Jokes
  1. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cash.
    Cash who?
    Thanks, but I’d rather have some peanuts
  2. Where do young cows eat lunch?
    In the calf-ateria.
  3. What did the policeman say to his tummy?
    Freeze. You’re under a vest.
  4. Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To get The Chinese Daily. [Pause] Do you get it?
    No
    Me neither. I get The Times.
  5. What do you call a rich elf?
    Welfy.
  6. What do birds give out on Halloween?
    Tweets.
  7. What do you call a smart group of trees?
    A brainforest.
  8. Knock, Knock.
    Who’s there?
    Yacht.
    Yacht who?
    Yacht a know me by now!
  9. What did one horse say to the other at the dance?
    You mustang-o with me.
  10. What’s the definition of a good farmer?
    A man outstanding in his field.
  11. What washes up on tiny beaches?
    Microwaves.
  12. What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?
    Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  13. How do mountains stay warm in winter?
    Snowcaps.
  14. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
    A cloud.
  15. A sandwich walks into a bar.
    Barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
  16. Why did the man run around his bed?
    He was trying to catch up on sleep!
  17. Why can’t a person’s nose be 12 inches long?
    Because then it would be a foot!
  18. Why did the student eat his homework?
    Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
  19. Why did the kid cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.
  20. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
    Hi, bud!
  21. What did one toilet say to the other?
    You look a bit flushed.
  22. What makes the calendar look so popular?
    It has so many dates!
  23. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
    Please don’t take me for granite.
  24. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
    A wise quacker.
  25. Why did the picture go to jail?
    It was framed!
  26. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
    Stick with me and we’ll go places together.
  27. Why was the belt arrested?
    Because it was holding up some pants.
  28. What did the paper say to the pencil?
    Write on!
  29. What gets wetter the more it dries?
    A towel.
  30. Why do dragons sleep during the day
    So they can fight knights!
  31. Why was the broom late?
    It over swept!
  32. How do you make an octopus laugh?
    With ten-tickles
  33. Why do seagulls live by the sea?
    Cause if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!
  34. How do you know if a vampire has a cold?
    She starts coffin.
  35. What did the horse say when it fell?
    I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
  36. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
    I think I’m coming down with something!
  37. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
    Hailing taxis!
  38. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
    He was looking for his buddy, Pluto.
  39. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
    Just act like a nut!
  40. What do you call two birds in love?
    Tweethearts!
  41. Why did Charlie go out with a prune?
    Because he couldn’t find a date!
  42. What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck.
  43. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive
    A minnie van, of course.
  44. What did one plate say to the other plate?
    Dinner’s on me!
  45. What do you call a dinosaur when it’s asleep?
    A dino-snore!
  46. Why did the teddy bear skip dessert?
    Because she was stuffed.
  47. What has ears but can’t hear a thing
    A cornfield.
  48. What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?
    Do these genes make my butt look big?
  49. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
    Between us, something smells!
  50. What did one pickle say to the other after they fell out of the jar and onto the floor?
    Just dill with it, okay?
  51. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
    That really hit the spot!
  52. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
    Because you can see right through them.
  53. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
    You rocket.
  54. Why was six afraid of seven?
    Because seven eight nine.
  55. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
    Spelling!
  56. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
    A palm tree.
  57. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
    Because he felt so crummy.
  58. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
    Because her parents were in a jam.
  59. Why couldn’t the pony sing?
    She was a little hoarse.
  60. Why are fish so smart?
    Because they live in schools.
  61. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
    Where’s pop corn?
  62. What do you give a sick bird
    A special tweetment.
  63. What do you call a horse that lives next door?
    Your neigh-bor!
  64. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
    About a buck an ear.
  65. What did one volcano say to the other?
    I lava you!
  66. What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
    A bat.
  67. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
    His ghoul-friend.
  68. What building has the most stories in any city?
    The library!
  69. How does the moon cut his hair?
    Eclipse it!
  70. What animal has more lives than a cat?
    A frog. They croak every night!
  71. What’s a tornado’s favorite game to play?
    Twister!
  72. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
    With experi-mints!
  73. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
    She starts coffin.
  74. What is a computer’s favorite snack?
    Computer chips!
  75. What do elves learn in school?
    The elf-abet.
  76. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
    It goes through a jarring experience.
  77. What did the nose say to the finger?
    Quit picking on me!
  78. What kind of bird is always depressed?
    Blue jays.
  79. What musical instrument is always in the bathroom?

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”
“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”
“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”
“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”
“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”
“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”
“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.

Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.

Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy?
Tom: Sorry, I’ll bring it a day later.
Dad: Why?
Tom: I borrowed it to Kevin because he wanted to scare his parents.

Teacher to Paul: “Wake up, Paul! You can’t sleep in class!”
Paul to teacher: “I could actually, it’s just that you’re a bit loud.”

Teacher asks the student: “Why are you so late?!”
Student: “Well I was crossing the road and suddenly it says “School ahead, go slowly!

Four elephants go for a walk on a stormy day. They only have one umbrella between them. How come they none of them get wet?
Well did anybody say it was raining?

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick, “What school?”

A child comes home dripping wet.
Mother: What on earth were you doing?!
Kid: We were playing dog with my friends and I was the tree.

A snail mama goes shopping and asks her snail child: “Should I get you anything?”
“Yeah, could you get me yoghurt please?
Two weeks later the snail mama comes back: “Strawberry or cherry?”

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