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British Funny Jokes

British Funny Jokes! Hello friends, I have collected some new British Funny Jokes. So check the latest British Funny Jokes and share it your all friends.

Q: How does every English joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

Q: Why didn’t Raheem Sterling vote for Britain to stay or leave?
A: He can’t put a cross in the Box!

Q: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What do the Brits eat for breakfast?
A: Cheerios ‘ol chap. England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.

Q: What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A: Fish and ships Kate Middleton once asked the queen “What’s the secret of a long life?” To which the queen replied “Wear a seat belt and don’t piss me off!

Q: What do you call a Scotsman with diarrhea?
A: Bravefart.

Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the Germans?
A: Because English are the only one’s who can stay on top for 45 minutes and still come second.

Q: Whats the difference between Cinderella and the England football team?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in England?
A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What does D.I.A.N.A stand for?
A: Died In A Nasty Accident.

Q: What did Sir Mix-A-Lot say after meeting the queen?
A: Baby Got Hats.

Q: Why is no one late in London?
A: Because there is a big clock right in the middle of town.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: What’s the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?
A: Princess Diana never became a queen of England

Q: What do you call an English restaurant that only serves pancakes?
A: All Day Brexit

Q: Why did the American Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive!

Q: How does every English joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Why aren’t the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can’t hold on to a lead.

Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee

Q: What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A: Fish and ships

Q: What do you call a Scotsman with diarrhea?
A: Bravefart

Q: What time does Andy Murray got to bed?
A: Tennish

Q: What time was it when the monster ate the British prime minister?
A: Eight P.M.

Q: Whats the difference between Cinderella and the England football team?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.

Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!”

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?”
“No, I’m sorry I don’t.”
“Well, it’s two blocks this way, then one block to the left.”


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