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Baby Funny Jokes

Baby Funny Jokes! Hi friends, I have collected some new Baby Funny Jokes. Baby Funny Jokes has been published. So check the latest Baby Funny Jokes and share it with your lovely friends. Read it and enjoy it.so you can hare it with your all lovely friends. Its give smile and happiness to everyone face. Laughter is the way to make smile on everyone’ s face. Laughter is the best medicine for our health. Be happy and keep laughing…
Share kro jisse aap baat krte ho or jisse nhi krte…

Baby Joke are funny moments in between the parents and babies and the baby jokes is especially happen with the mother and baby. Because of the whole day the baby is with mother and the mother knows very well how to convince her baby for eating and food and sleeping.

Baby Funny Jokes

My daughter was working for the American Embassy in Australia when she was expecting her first child. I was so happy when she texted me with the news.

“I’m a grandfather!” I said to my coworkers.

“When was she born?” somebody queried.

Recalling the date she told me, I thought for a minute and said in a calm voice, “Tomorrow!”

JOHNNY: “Say Mom, was our baby sent down from heaven?”

MOTHER: “Yes, son.”

JOHNNY: “I guess they like to have things quiet up there, huh?”

When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row. Then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, “You’re done…you’re done…you’re done…”

It has been finally realized that babies born on holidays are more than likely to be little girls…

The reason is because there is no mail delivery on holidays.

Pizza.
Pizza who?
Pizza really great guy!

Interrupting, squawking parrot.
Interrupting, squawking parr-
SQUAAAAAAAAAWK!

Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!

Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!

Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly. Cows go “moo!”

Ash.
Ash who?
Gesundheit!

Figs.
Figs who?
Fix your doorbell, it’s broken!

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania.

Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it.

Q: Which flower talks the most?
A: Tulips, of course, because they have two lips!

Q: What did the mushroom say to the fungus?
A: You’re a fun guy [fungi].

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get an earring?
A: About a buck an ear [buccaneer]!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta!

Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby?
A: He was a little hoarse.

Q: What kind of lion never roars?
A: A dandelion!

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: Arrrrrr!

Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tuba toothpaste.

Q: What time do you go to the dentist?
A: At tooth-hurty!

Q: What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A: A bunny ribbit.

Q: How do bees get to school?
A: They take the school buzz, of course!

Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
A: Because they might peel!

Q: What did 0 say to 8?
A: Nice belt!

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools!

Q: What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?
A: Wheeee!

Q: What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A: A milk shake!

Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel!

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A: Frostbite!

Q: Why are seagulls called seagulls?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!

A snake kid asks his mom, “Mom, are we poisonous?” His mother says, “Why do you want to know?” The snake kid says, “because I just bit my tongue.”

After many years, a prisoner is finally released.
He runs around yelling, “I’m free! I’m free!”
A little kid walks up to him and says, “So what? I’m 4.”

Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.

Q:  What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A: A bat!

Q: What can you catch, but never throw?
A: A cold!

Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A: The “C”!

Q: What gets wet while it’s drying?
A: A towel!

Q: Why can’t your head be 12 inches long?

Joke 1:
Why did the infant go on a diet?
She wanted to lose her baby fat

Joke 2:
How did the baby almost get her and her mom kicked out of the crowded theater?
She yelled “pacifire”

Joke 3:
How many infants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, he just points at it and cries until his caregiver does it for him

Joke 4:
What social media app helps babies fall asleep by playing long-winded, monotonous conversations?
Napchat

Joke 5:
Where can babies post status updates about how they‘re feeling?
Babyfacebook

Joke 6:
Which app can babies use to see thousands of photos of people who want to buy them toys?
Instagrandma

Joke 7:
What social media site is for babies who want to go on playdates?
Tindergarden

Joke 8:
When do toddlers gamble?
Every time they do their alphabets

Joke 9:
Which Beastie Boy do most babies like the best?
A+D rock

Joke 10:
Mom: You’re growing up now, you don’t need a bottle all the time.
Toddler: I could say the same to you, lady.

Joke 11:
What did the baby in a band play?
A guitar hooked up to a waaah! waaah! pedal

Joke 12:
What do you call a group of yuppy trust fund 3 year old?
Todd-lers

Joke 13:
What Led Zeppelin album do most babies love best?
Infant Through The Out Door

Joke 14:
What candy bar do most infants prefer?
Baby Ruth

Joke 15:
What rapper can babies not get enough of?
Childish Gambino

Joke 16:
What do you call a very young comedian?
A kidder

Joke 17:
What kind of pooch do babies love most?
Toy

Joke 18:
Why did the know-it-all large twins agree to be born head first?
They were too big for their breeches

Joke 19:
Why did the mom demand a paycheck from the hospital?
To compensate her for her labor

Joke 20:
What did the baby say to the lady holding her upon being born?
Postpardon me, but are you my mom?

Joke 21:
What do you call an army full of babies?
An infantry

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.

Q: What’s red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.


Q: What’s red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.


Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.

Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.

Q: What’s blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Q: What’s blue and sits in the corner? A1: Baby in a cellophane bag. A2: Dead Baby playing with saranwrap.

Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby two weeks later!


Q: What is Baskin Robbin’s flavor of the month this month?
A: Blue Baby Cheesecake. (There is a flavor of the month called Blueberry Cheesecake)

Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A1: Fill a glass with root beer, and add a scoop of ice cream and a scoop of dead baby. A2: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby. (If on a diet use only one scoop) A3: Add 8 ounces of Coke-Cola with 2 scoops of dead baby. A4: Take your foot off its head.

Q: And where did you get these babies?
A: Abortion Clinic.

Q: (At Abortion clinic) “Boy, what are these people doing? I can’t get in because they block my way. I want my float!” A: They are pro-life people. They don’t like sweet stuffs.


Q1: What’s red and white and bubbles all over? Q2: What’s red, bubbly, and scratches at the window? Q3. What is brown and taps on a window? Q4: What’s pink and red and bangs on the window ? Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A: A baby in the microwave.

Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave! (works best if told while in a swivel chair)

Q: What’s blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank


Q: What is charred black and smells really bad? A1: A baby chewing on an extension cord. A2: A baby in the fireplace.


Q1: What is red and swings back and forth? Q2: What’s pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth…? Q3: What’s red and hangs four feet off the floor?
A: Dead baby on a meathook.


Q: How do you know when an elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby’s forehead! (damn elephants get into everything!)

Q: What do elephants use for ben-wa balls?
A: Dead babies.


Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.


Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it’s a penata!


Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a children’s playground!


Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.

Q: What’s more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.


Q1: What’s red and white and goes ’round and ’round? Q2: What goes red white, red red, white white red…? Q3: What is pink and red and goes round and round? Q4: What’s pink and with a flick of a switch turns red? Q5: What’s red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ?
A: A baby in a blender

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth? Q2: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl? A1: La’ Machine! A2: Use a blender

Q: How do you get it out? A1: With a straw! A2: Doritos


Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.

Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.

Q: What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.


Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.


Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full of bowling balls?
A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork

Q: What’s the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bricks?
A: You can’t use a pitchfork on bricks.

Q: What’s the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?
A: You can’t shovel water with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
A: A pitchfork.

Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?
A: With a pitchfork.

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.

Q: What’s this? (hold arms out and shake them) A: A live one.

Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab ’em all with a pitchfork.

Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!


Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line? A. Stopping it with a shovel.

Q: What’s more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH?
A: Stopping it with a cricket bat (thwok)


Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it out of the tires.


Q: How is a baby like a grape?
A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.


Q: What’s small, red, and can’t turn around in corridors?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head.

Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it’s head.

Q: What’s small, red and can’t get into elevators?
A: A baby with a javelin in it’s head.


Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.


Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
A: A baby playing with a powerpoint.


Q: What’s black and furry and crawls across New South Wales?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders. ( PS. Funnel-Web Spiders are black and furry )


Q: What’s red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that’s been playing with a chainsaw.


Q: What’s red, sits in the front of mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.

Q: Whats red and white and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.


Q: What’s the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.


Q: What is red and crawls up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion!


Q: What’s pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.


Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.

Q: What’s red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.

Q: What’s red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.


Q: Why don’t dead babies drive BMWs?
A: Because BMW jokes are almost as old as dead baby jokes! Sheish!! Get a life, why don’t you?!


Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.


Q: What’s pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan. A: Doner Kebabie.

Q: What did the mother say to the baby on a stick that was crying?
A: “Shush, Kebabie!”


Q: What is the definition of revenge?
A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.

(This is definately an Aussie classic) – Glenn


Q: What’s the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

Q. What is brown and keeps it’s juices in? A. A baby in an oven bag.


Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun.


Q: Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
A: Dead babies make the best chum.


Q: What’s charred black and smells really bad?
A: A baby playing with a blow torch.


Q. What was the baby doing on the wall? A. Playing darts. It was the board.


Q. What was the baby doing on the table? A. Lying on its tummy. It was the pin cushion.


Q: What is 18″ long, cold and stiff, and makes a woman scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.


Q: What’s worse (or more fun) than a dead baby in art class?
A: Pinning it up on the bulletin board.


Q: What’s worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.


Q: What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of placenta?
A: You can’t gargle gravel.


Q: What’s more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.


Did you know that it takes five babies to make just one bottle of baby oil?


A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ….

SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall….

Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ….. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself ‘April Fools’, she says… He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!

  1. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Leon
    Leon who?
    Leon me when you’re not strong!
  2. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Annie
    Annie who?
    Annie thing you can do I can better!
  3. Knock, knock
    Who’s there? 
    Lena
    Lena who?
    Lena a little closer, and I’ll tell you another joke!
  4. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Quiche
    Quiche who?
    Can I have a hug and a quiche?
  5. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Wa
    Wa who?
    What are you so excited about?!
  6. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Adore
    Adore who? 
    Adore is between you and me so please open up!
  7. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    I am
    I am who?
    Don’t you even know who you are?!
  8. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    I didn’t know you liked Japanese poetry!
  9. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    A little old lady
    A little old lady who?
    Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!
  10. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Cargo
    Cargo who?
    Cargo beep, beep and vroom, vroom!
  11. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Ice cream soda 
    Ice cream soda who?
    Ice scream soda people can hear me!
  12. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    To
    To who?
    No, it’s to whom!
  13. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Candice 
    Candice who?
    Candice joke get any worse?!
  14. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Haven
    Haven who?
    Haven you heard enough of these knock-knock jokes?
  15. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Anita
    Anita who?
    Anita drink of water so please let me in!
  16. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Orange
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
  17. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Alex
    Alex who?
    Alex-plain when you open the door!
  18. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Nun
    Nun who?
    Nun of your business!
  19. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    June
    June who?
    June know how long I’ve been knocking out here?
  20. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Spell
    Spell who?
    W-H-O!
  21. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Oscar
    Oscar who?
    Oscar silly question and get a silly answer!
  22. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Conrad
    Conrad who?
    Conrad-ulations! That was a good knock-knock joke!
  23. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Dejav 
    Dejav who?
    Knock, knock
  24. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Owls say
    Owls say who?
    Yes, they do.
  25. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Cash
    Cash who?
    No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts.
  26. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Mustache
    Mustache who?
    Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!
  27. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Dwayne
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the bathtub ⏤ I’m dwowning!
  28. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Ya
    Ya who?
    No thanks, I use Bing or Google.
  29. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Control Freak
    Contro-
    Okay, now you say control freak who?
  30. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Billy Bob Joe Penny
    Billy Bob Joe Penny who?
    Really? How many Billy Bob Joe Pennies do you know?
  31. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Theodore
    Theodore who?
    Theodore wasn’t opened so I knocked.
  32. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Cereal
    Cereal who?
    Cereal pleasure to meet you!
  33. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Cantaloupe
    Cantaloupe who?
    Cantaloupe to Vegas, you’re too young!
  34. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Keith
    Keith who?
    Keith me, my thweet prince!
  35. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Europe
    Europe who?
    No, you’re a poo!
  36. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Double
    Double who?
    W!
  37. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Beats
    Beats who?
    Beats me. 
  38. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Kenya
    Kenya who?
    Kenya feel the love tonight?
  39. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Interrupting sloth
    Interrupting sloth who?
    (20 seconds of silence)
    Sloooooooooth
  40. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Ida
    Ida who?
    Surely, it’s pronounced Idaho.
  41. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Cabbage
    Cabbage who?
    You expect a cabbage to have a last name?
  42. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    You didn’t remember me!
  43. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Razor
    Razor who?
    Razor hand and dance the boogie!
  44. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Sweden
    Sweden who?
    Sweden sour chicken!
  45. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Art
    Art who?
    R2-D2!
  46. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Smellmop
    Smellmop who?
    Ew, no thanks!
  47. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    I need a puh
    I need a puh-who?
    Then why don’t you find a toilet! 
  48. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Hatch
    Hatch who?
    God bless you!
  49. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Tank
    Tank who?
    You’re welcome.
  50. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Voodoo
    Voodoo who?
    Voodoo you think you are asking me so many questions?
  51. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo
    Boo who?
    Uh, why are you crying?
  52. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Opportunity 
    Opportunity doesn’t knock twice!
  53. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Honeybee
    Honeybee who?
    Honeybee a dear and open up will you?
  54. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Says
    Says who?
    Says me, that’s who!
  55. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Iran
    Iran who?
    Iran all the way here!
  56. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Doctor
    Doctor who?
    No, no, just the doctor.
  57. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Euripides
    Euripides who?
    Euripides jeans and you pay for them, okay?
  58. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Amish
    Amish who?
    Really, you’re a shoe? Uh, okay.
  59. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Figs
    Figs who?
    Figs the doorbell!
  60. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Dishes
    Dishes who?
    Dishes the police, open up!
  61. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    I am
    I am who?
    So you have identity problems, huh?
  62. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Luke
    Luke who?
    Luke through the keyhole and see!
  63. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Amos
    Amos who?
    A mosquito!
  64. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Howard
    Howard who?
    Howard I know?
  65. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Odysseus
    Odysseus who?
    Odysseus the last straw!
  66. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    A Mayan
    A Mayan who?
    A Mayan in the way?
  67. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Abe
    Abe who?
    Abe-C-D-E!
  68. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Icing
    Icing who?
    Icing so loudly so everyone can hear me!
  69. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Tennis
    Tennis who?
    Tennis five plus five!
  70. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?

    …uncomfortable silence who?
  71. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Gorilla
    Gorilla who?
    Gorilla me a hamburger!
  72. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Snow
    Snow who?
    Snow use, I forgot my name again. 
  73. Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Nicholas
    Nicholas who?
    A Nicholas is not much money these days.

बेटा – मुझे शादी नहीं करनी!! मुझे सभी औरतों से डर लगता है! पिता- कर ले बेटा! फिर एक ही औरत से डर लगेगा, बाकी सब अच्छी लगेंगी।
😛😛😜😜😜😜😛😛

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LKG के बच्चे के पेपर मे 0 आया…
गुस्से से पिता: यह क्या है?
बच्चा: पिताजी, शिक्षक के पास स्टार खत्म हो हो गए थे इसलिये उसने मून दे दिया 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


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